Statement of Perspective

Writing this piece made me think about how much meaning we assign to what’s supposed to define us. My name, something given without intention, once made me feel detached, as if I lacked the sense of purpose others seemed to inherit. But I’ve come to see that absence as freedom. Not having a predetermined meaning has allowed me to decide who I am for myself, without being bound by anyone else’s expectations. It’s changed how I view identity in general: that it’s not something you’re born into, but something you build, name by name, choice by choice.


“My Love”


Makayla. Mah-Kay-La. Means nothing. Not literally of course, everything has some inherent meaning. But there was no rhyme or reason behind my name. My mother named me after some lady she saw on TV I think. She’s not even sure - it may have come from a sitcom or talk-show or movie, but to my knowledge it wasn’t thought out. It wasn't planned. Just instantaneous. Mah-Kay-La. It’s just my name. My sister on the other hand was definite. Jodi. Joe-Dee. She was definitely named after someone on TV, though I never thought to pay much attention after that since it awfully upset me. Why did her name come from a definite place but mine didn’t? After some woman she saw on TV and it just stuck with her. Joe-Dee. My mother loves television - on her days off it’s often the only thing she’ll listen to. I've been turned down many times in favor of Tyler Perry or Kevin Hart or Dwane Johnson. My brother’s name was even more thought out - Sagname, or Namue for short. He’s not my mom’s though, so it adds up. He was named after my grandfather - a hard working man who climbed palm-oil trees at the crack of down, chopping and hacking until sunset to sell at the market. Meaning, that’s a meaningful name. My dad is the one who gives meaning to names. Yhalayea - in God’s hands. Naingbah - leader Sagnamue - hard work is built into the connotations of the name. Though these names come with more restrictions than freedom. With a meaningless name it feels more like your own - no expectations to full on soulless bodies to live up to. But meaning gives pressure. I guess it works for my siblings, leader and labor, but protection doesn’t do much for me in terms of drive or ambition, hell I wouldn’t even say it gives much in terms of safeholding. But that’s okay I guess. Because Makayla means nothing, an empty vessel for me to fill. Mah-Kay-La.

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